Happiness, while elusive, is our greatest goal. But no matter how hard we try to sell it, happiness cannot be bought. I have seen children cry and have temper tantrums in a theme park advertised as the happiest place on earth. We wish people a “happy birthday”, bake them a cake and shower them with gifts. They may smile for a while but does it make them truly happy? Can we make someone else happy? We can for a while until a problem arises, a difficulty outside of our control, a grievance, an annoyance, a nagging illness and poof – all happiness is gone.

Can we at least make ourselves happy? Of course we can! We can buy a beautiful new sweater, a new car, a fancy trip, a bigger house, a membership in an exclusive club. But what if the sweater shrinks in the wash, the car gets a scratch, the trip gets postponed, the mortgage on the house is beyond our means, the exclusive members are critical of us? Bye-bye happiness.

Have you ever played the game “if only I had that one thing, I’d be happy?” Come to find out – no matter how much we get, there is always something else missing, right? There is always one more thing needed to make us truly happy. Lasting happiness never comes.

The truth is – happiness exists in our mind. We believe we can fill it from outside sources but that kind of happiness is ordinary only. It does not last. It comes and goes with our feelings – quickly, unexpected, and sudden.

Happiness becomes more constant when we learn to focus on giving rather than receiving; when we learn to use even a negative situation for personal growth rather than a chance to react back. An angry spouse can immediately make is angry in return or help us to practice loving kindness. A crying child can go on our nerves until we shout, or it can help us to practice compassion. An aging parent, ill with Alzheimer’s disease, can make us desolate or help us become masters at patience. Despite the negative circumstances, the practice of loving kindness, compassion and patience gives us a chance to become more beautiful inside. That internal beauty brings happiness.

Happiness becomes a permanent resident when we truly understand our essence and live our fullest potential. How do we get there?

Here are a few steps:

1. Make a list of inner values you would like to achieve (greater love, kindness, compassion, courage, patience, awareness, gratitude, understanding, trust, wisdom, peace, etc.)

2. Every morning chose one such goal to focus on for the day.

3. Permanently change your focus from cherishing yourself to cherishing others.

4. Developing a compassionate heart through meditation, healing work, or unselfish service.

5. Practice loving kindness directly or anonymously.

6. Rejoice in the success of another and tell them so.

7. Bring happiness to others through kind words, deeds or a simple smile.

Happiness, like grumpiness, is contagious. Chose to shine your light to the world!